GOD, Where are you?

There were some unanswered questions in my life, I have asked so many people but all in vain. When I was a kid, I used to live in my own world- full of fantasy, good will and I feel so complete. But still there was something I was searching for. Maybe this is due to my family environment or my own last birth’s balance that always keep me thinking about worth of my existence. I used to think in my childhood days-there is one supreme power who sends us on earth and all we do is due to him only.

Being born in a Brahmin family, I used to say long prayers. All those so called pious stories, fast, all scriptures and customs were assets of my childhood. All ladies of my family are so spiritual, rather superstitious that anyone can make them to do silly things in the name of GOD. This made me think about HIS existence, HIS role in my life. There was no one to solve my queries as I realized people love to believe unseen things. I used to pray hard any other day and during exam days- it’s a party time for HIM as I offered HIM sweets, long prayers and that too with full devotion. In my games even I asked HIM for help and believe me HE do, or I can say I believe that HE do. Now it became my habit to ask HIM for any other thing- whether it be a simple game, studies, ailments etc. and in this way I became totally dependent on HIM. I used to give HIM a treat for my success and fight with HIM in failures. I used to talk to HIM for long hours and share everything with HIM. HE became my friend, guides and GOD obviously. With HIM I used to feel so complete, I got answers to most of my questions.

But still there were lessons HE wants me to learn. I didn’t get admission to medical college inspite of very good academics and so was angry with HIM. I used to give HIM credit for my achievements and so I had full right to blame HIM for this disaster. Fighting became war and now I break up with HIM. A girl full of life turns to lifeless. No more friendship, no more trust and no expectations as if HE can’t give you what you deserve, who else can dare? But college life- I was not that stupid who miss the chance to live LIFE!! I was living again my life but the difference is now HE was not with me. As I started keeping distance from HIM and was busy in friends, studies, career and my independence. With the flow of time, I completed graduation and took admission in postgraduation.

All my friends become busy, everybody was on a different mission. This was the time I patch up with HIM and again start spending time together. This brought me to a new world, where I found a different myself. Now I don’t ask HIM for help but order HIM and believe me HE follow.  I asked HIM to work hard and HE do and when after so long time I tasted success, I celebrated with HIM. Now I know worth of my life, reason of being ME. GOD, for whom I was looking outside is actually my own determination, believe, hardwork and joy. I realized HE is in me, actually HE is me. GOD is name of giving, giving and never expecting. HE is the one who create me, who live for me and can die for me. HIS every single thought is for my well being, whose every deed adds comfort to my life. HIS presence is enough to make me feel blessed.

Who is HE? And today I find answer to all my questions.  HE is my parents, with whom I am talking from my birth. Who is behind my every success and achievement, who stands by me in every agony and failure. Who teach me to give and never expect, who teach me with love and stick both. Who teach me to trust, to love to live a great life. Who are in my mind all the time when I study, play and  even when I was drowning in sea they are the only  one who were in my mind. I realized importance of my life when I see its in your eyes. I feel worth of being ME when i see you proud of me. Yes, you are my GOD.